Redefining the bases

Kari: While I'm giving some amazing dating advice, I have an innovative contemporary take on this stupid analogy. Some things, such as walkman's and audio cassettes, will never become outdated to me, but the relationship 'base' system needs some work. First of all, I hate this analogy because it means you have to have some knowledge of baseball.

But I'd like to start out with the ultimate goal ... home base, which clearly is the afterglow enjoyment happiness time. 4 bases is not nearly enough so I added a couple extra bases.

-Base 0.5 is heavy petting.

-1st base is just kissing.

-Base 1.5 is all manual

-2nd base is when the understanding begins that something is about to happen.

-Base 2.5 is oral sex.

-3rd base would be sex.

-The most important of all bases, however is base 3.5 when you go to the bathroom so you don't get a UTI.

-Then of course you go back for the afterglow enjoyment happiness time.

So even though I don't really understand sports, I hope this system clears some things up for you. And remember ALWAYS protect yourself!!

more dating advice, me style

Kari: EHO! I didn't see you there, I was just listening to my walkman.

So you're at a party and there's a cute boy sitting across from you. He seems interested and he's been staring at you all night, and you're pretty sure he is going to want to kiss soon. What's the best next step?

I'd say, excuse yourself and go to the outhouse, which is, of course, outside of the house. It is very economical and friendly to the environment, but that's for another post! Take a long time in the outhouse, and make sure to really make him wait. If, when you open the door after 20 minutes, he is still standing in the freezing cold waiting for you, then you have yourself a winner. Make out with him.